If you're here looking for some good writing, close the tab right now. This is a blog that started off as a writing solace and instead turned into a place to rant off about anything and everything. So, this is going to be an awful lot of just penning down my thoughts, and then deciphering the confusion in emotions, with a not-so-gloomy outlook, or an ambivalent ending, if not a total-downer one.
You know what’s
funny? It’s the fact that people are so selfish. They’re so brutally, obsessively
selfish. They would screw you twice just to save their own neck and at the end
of it, never even give it a second thought. Yeah, it is funny how for some
time, a few people claim to be best friends and then abandon you? When you need
them most, and are at your lowest? Oh yeah anyone can say you weren’t there for
them when they want, to you but how many can say 'I was there when you needed me
and I gave up everything I had going on just to help you?' Yeah that is pretty
You know what’s funnier? How people choose to BLAME
others just because its so much easier to blame it on others than to accept
your mistake. Has everyone lost their mind? What has our generation become?
For Christ’s sake, these are our own friends, our own family, our own people we’re
talking about here. Is there really no
honor left in anyone? People lie fervently and make people BELIEVE lies so intimately that the whole absurdity of
the idea turns into irony! I don’t get why, WHY people are such selfish
murderers. Murderers in the sense that they murder pride, honesty, kindness,
sometimes even innocence but above all trust. They slaughter the trust that
ever was or ever will be because if a person is like me, they’ll apply the ‘Forgive
but never forget’ rule. Forgive the mistakes others commit, but scarcely should
you forget them. Forgiveness is necessary for the soul and spirit. We need to
forgive and come to terms with not just the faults of others, but also our own.
Sometimes, forgiving others is easier than forgiving yourself but what we
forget is that we can never run from ourselves. Sooner or later, we’ll have to
come to terms with the fact that we are who we are, and we’re not perfect. None
of us is.We make mistakes and more than
often, we mess up. But it’s the messing up that’s going to teach you what
matters most at the end.
A friend once said
to me, ‘at the end of the day, you’re by yourself.’ She lied. Even if you’re
alone at the end of the day, you’re not going to abstain from living. Tomorrow
will come, and you won’t have to be alone anymore. ‘Help will always be given
at Hogwarts to those who ask for it,’ Dumbledore once wisely said and while
this may not be Hogwarts, it is nevertheless true. Not all friends abandon you
and not every person you encounter will break you down. There still are good
people and hope will always live. Because if it didn’t we wouldn’t be alive
would we? And as long as we live, we will continue to rekindle and resurface
the hope from inside of us. Live free, die proud, have fun play loud. You may
not have moved mountains, but if you moved someone’s heart towards brightness
and light, you have done your job for the day. Never underestimate the power of
the good that you do, because one day it’s going to come back at you, perhaps
at a time of dire need; Karma.
Its been ages since I wrote anything so I apologize for the
extremely crude beginning. Its taken quite a while to write something but it
feels so good to have let it out. I won’t promise I’ll write again soon but I
do hope that writing comes back faster this time.
The world needs a hero. Not someone who can save it, but rather someone who will tell them exactly wht they need to hear. Not someone to say 'I will save you' but rather someone who will make them believe that they can be saved. There is only one thing stronger than fear and that's hope and so long as hope exists, it can overrule any kingdom and any throne, any villain and any king.
The loyalty of a dictator's soldier lasts only as long as the sword stays in his hand but the loyalty of a true King's knight lasts long after his sovereign has ended.
Soft edges, pillowy frills and the comforts of an all too easy life- isn't that what most people look for? Sometimes, its the complete atonement of unrelated matters that combine together to form a huge ball of uncertainties. Ah wait, I see it, the crystal orb is supposed to show us the way out but it looks too misty. Is that why beads of sweat are glistening on your forehead? Is that why the hint of worry is starting to appear on your face? In that all too obvious manner? Ha!
You came to me, believing that I would tell you your future, your destiny- but do you really think I can show you what is decided upon by God? Wouldn't that be unfair on your part to come to me and yet also simultaneously pray to God for a good outcome? That's like throwing a dice and then throwing another one so that the one with the better score can be chosen. I don't understand your blasphemy- you refuse to suffer through His trials and then you expect to enjoy the fruit? Without even sowing the seed? Isn't that empty headed thoughtlessness from your side? Believing that a mundane person can predict your future so surely yet doubting the entity who's actually responsible for creating it. Strange as it is, it is also amusing.
But then human behavior has always managed to baffle me. But, what good will a simple fortune teller be if she starts pondering over life's philosophies and stops thinking of what earns her the coin? Better leave those matters to the higher ups, while they be content making discoveries and Sheila be content with her little tent of emotions in her own little world.
You've got to let go the past to live in the present and make it to the future. Holding on to it won't get you anywhere except maybe drag you back muddled up in what was and what might never be. Little things inspire you, each day; you've got to learn the beauty of appreciating these little things with every hint of sparkle the morning light brings to your room. Learn the beauty of admiring art, defining it. Life's real purpose has never been to drag you down only so you can keep falling. Instead, maybe a pin drop of silence while you observe the ghastly spasms you encounter so you can appreciate the calmness of peace when you get it. Isn't that what life is all about? Hitting the lows so you can bounce back with the highs? Enduring the worst in silence and accepting the best as it is, no questions asked, no questions left unanswered.
When you hit what you may think is the Marianas trench, think again. This isn't the pacific, and you are not drowning. In sorrows and gloom, perhaps, but definitely not in water and that is always a blessing to be thankful for if you are aqua phobic like me. In case you actually are drowning..well let's not consider that possibility right now alright?
My humor seems to have run a bit dry right now, a fact I apologize to my readers for, but my point is, realization can hit you any time; while washing the dishes, taking a walk alongside the beach, while reading a book, listening to a song, or even just watching a movie. Mine seems to have hit me while watching Easy A while I was crying on the scene where Olive [a.k.a. Emma Stone] is in Todd's car having just reached home and while she was crying explaining her feelings for him. The part where Todd says his business is his own and 'Notoriety for whatever reason, never seems to benefit the noted, only the 'notees'.' Add that to a spectacular ending of '..But the really amazing this is, it is nobody's goddamn business.' That, for me, was the apex. You know the point where your life starts to make sense to you and you expect epic background music to play as you reach the summit of the ever long mountain you've been trying to climb; yeah, that moment.
I've realized, it doesn't matter what anybody thinks, it honestly doesn't. My grades, my writing, everything I've ever worked for; its all been for myself. No matter how much I credit anyone, but at the end, it really has been for me. Yes, the lows do hit me, yes I've dragged into the pits of depression for quite an unreasonably long time. But you know what, not anymore. Its time to stop.
Its time for a new chapter, a new beginning. This isn't the ending of everything I'd let go of; no! In fact, its the applause whose harmony echoes in my mind, at this very moment. A crowning moment is what it really is. A few months ago, I undertook the task of going on a mind journey; a journey to find myself. I believe that has now, in the truest sense, come to an end. I know finding the inner core is not the easiest task to pursue and one eventually disheartens, sometimes, even forgets the true purpose of what he left for. But there does come a point where it does end as you come to terms with the answer. I have now found, that I will always learn news things about myself, for that is how my mind works, always pondering, always so curious, but in this process I have to learn to enjoy every moment of it.
A life lived with regrets is a life unlived. If you can not even accept your own mistakes and move on, then who will? Who wants to go to bed, with the misery of yet another addition of sorrow to their book of deeds? No one. So why not sleep with a blank slate instead of an overturned bucket? Why not make up for all that you've done and go to rest peacefully, each night? Every time I start typing a block entry, I spend quite a good amount of time pondering on matters of little importance such as the font text and font size, but this time, I just opened the page and started writing what ever was in my mind. It has been quite a while since I wrote something worthwhile and though it took time, I must say, it has been worth it because at the end, every experience, every mistake I've learnt from has only made me a stronger person.
'What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.'
Enough with the whats ifs and wherebys of each situation. If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it too and I for one, do not regret the outcome of this piece of writing to be a somewhat ambiguous type of monologue and before I conclude, I'll say one last thing. No one's life is perfect, what we, as outsiders see, is not a perfect world but a perfect illusion of it; never make the mistake of believing your sorrows are the worst life could test you with, never forget there is always, ALWAYS someone who is in a worse condition than you are and because you are still breathing, you are stronger than you think. Because you've held on and still are holding on. Never lose hope, and never stop smiling.
Yeah I know I've been quite inactive for a while; to the point where it feels like the words are just bursting to come out. There's so much I WANT to say but never got around to. There's so much I need to write. Wow, at 1: 36 a.m., it seems ironic that I just opened my blog to write this entry down. I've been on a mind journey all this while, but what I realized on the way is that it won't ever end; this journey to find myself. Indeed, it would take an eternity to list every emotion or experience that I've learnt from. Moving on, pondering over the past seems like an unexplained blessing; tears for the harsh memories and smiles from the blissful memories. I should probably get down to writing something eventful, an incident perhaps? But no, right now, I'm just going to write down any thought that comes to my mind. Ah, how I've missed writing! This joy, it can not be compared to any other joy in the world. This feeling of ecstasy when the sentences are completed and the blanks are filled up. I don't think this joy has ever made me feel more alive. 'Cogito Ergo Sum' in case you don't know what it means, I believe its time to do some googling in the next tab. Anyway, moving on, here's a plan I've come up with. I'm going to stop doing whatever I'm doing and start writing whenever a writing flair hits me. The instant I get that inspiration, I'll get down to work immediately. Long have I craved for the path of becoming a writer, too long have I stayed away from it. Now, I'm going to take up this passion seriously and actually mean business when I say I'm ardent about writing; I live to write. I think, therefore I am and it is that I am that I can actually sum up my thoughts and beliefs into words for the world to read.
Writing means everything to me; it defines me as a person. It makes me who I am and who I want to be. It is the one activity I have indulged in whenever I felt low and the consequences of neglecting it at a time of need has indeed cost me dearly. Though this is nowhere like my usual posting, I still think I had to get it all out, here, on my blog and now that I have done that, I guess its time for a bit of serious writing. Here's something I wrote back in April last year but never got around to posting: [I know the language's a bit crude and its a bit unpolished but I wanted to post it without editing anything out. Yes, I also know it seems incomplete but hey writer's block isn't a choice now is it?]
you are gifted,
you are blessed,
But only at
a time when you’re estranged from a cozy bed,
At the dead
of the night,
entire world snores,
You wake up
and realize how lucky you are
To even have
made it so far.
When people all
over the world are dying,
orphaned babies are seamlessly crying,
from around have to beg for food,
And here you
were sulking because someone was rude,
horizons have enclosed,
To liars and
rest not till they gain
is, in their depraved domains.
are destroying homes,
earthquakes shatter grounds,
warming’s a threat,
To all that
When living is
a burden, to those estranged of joy
is just a word that will sooner or later destroy,