Disclaimer Notice: you been warned

Disclaimer Notice
If you're here looking for some good writing, close the tab right now. This is a blog that started off as a writing solace and instead turned into a place to rant off about anything and everything. So, this is going to be an awful lot of just penning down my thoughts, and then deciphering the confusion in emotions, with a not-so-gloomy outlook, or an ambivalent ending, if not a total-downer one.
Peace out. You've been warned.

Saturday, December 7, 2013

       I don't know why there is so much negativity everywhere. I fail to understand why people carry this negative vibe (mind you not everyone), and for the most part it's just disappointing. Disappointing because there is just so much to be thankful for and just so much that each of us have been blessed with and there is just so much that we don't realize. Each  one of us has different struggles and is going through different hardships which is exactly why saying that the other person has it so much easier is a pointless thing. You don't know what the other person has gone through to reach where he or she is at this point in life. We're all so different and yet still so similar, but I guess that's how people are. I don't know how it's relevant to what I just wrote before but one day we'll be old and won't even remember how much everything that matters to us now did. I doubt if I'll remember how looking perfect for a speech mattered so much or how color-coordinating my whole outfit while going out meant so much at the time. But, I'd like to, because I want to remember how everything had it's own spark and I want to remember the beauty of each stage of life- no matter how silly or stupid, but I want to remember all of it; which is probably one of the reasons why I write, because I want to remember everything that matters or has ever mattered to me. These memories make me who I am today and being able to look back at them only reminds me of how much I have to be thankful for.

Friday, July 12, 2013


     It is indeed a rare commodity when I write something just for the sheer happiness of it all; it is an even rarer moment when I actually feel happy enough to write down what goes on in my head during that time. The best part of today is that this is one of those rare times. Normally, even if I am happy, I just like to stay in my shell and keep the feelings blissfully calm for as long as I can; I want to preserve the good memories in a peculiar fashion and so I refrain from writing because a silly fear takes over me; the fear of good memories and happiness being taken away, which was a worry that would unconsciously do the very thing I was afraid of- it would eventually ruin my day and alas, it would be back to usual.
     Anyway, that is not what I want to elaborate on. What I do want to elaborate on is that I am happy and well to a random onlooker, it would be a strange sight to find a person happy because he or she is aware that he or she is happy. So why would an emotion have the capability of a person actually resuming writing again? That too after ages of motivating oneself to write but never actually indulging in the task? Well, the answer is in the question itself. Emotions, are what essentially make us human. The power to feel, whatever the feeling is, be it happy or sad or angry or just passionate- just the mere ability to be able to feel and empathize with how others feel is a beauty itself. It is what makes us humans unique and it is ultimately what makes us realize the beauty in just anything and everything. So I'll try and not babble too extensively, but my point is, a person who thinks only strategically will only believe in logic. I believe every person has the capability to feel, with the exception of Adolf Hitler, but let's just skip him altogether for now. When we get encompassed by our emotions, we sometimes lose the ability to think logically, but if we can maintain a certain balance between both, we somehow become one step closer to being ideal humans.
     I'm not going to preach my definitions of ideal humans to anyone, but I will try and give you a better view on how I see things. A person with compassion and intelligence is an ideal human being in my dictionary. I'm not talking about what the person does in his daily life or what type of personality he or she has, I just mean that if a person can think clearly without letting emotions cloud judgement and if a person can somehow still manage to let emotions direct decisions to an extent, it is a formidable quality. Being an intensely emotional person, I am awed by people who can think clearly even when they're going through trying times or circumstances.
     For me, the world is either black or white; I have a very "it's either this or not at all" sort of view on things, and although I try to improve myself in this matter, it is a difficult task. Nevertheless, it is an extremely wrong view because that's basically saying the glass won't bend but it will break if you try to shape it. In other words, it's too much of a perfectionist's take on things, and that my dear readers, is never the best way to deal with things. When a person starts to expect too much or even a little, he or she gives way to heartache. Heartache is actually too strong a word, I think I'll just go with hurt instead. Along with expectation comes a chance of getting hurt; the greater the expectations are, the more the chances of getting hurt increase; and feeling hurt is never a good emotion, for anyone. Most of you probably know this and I too have learned this the hard way, but I guess we humans never really learn do we? But then, it's also our abilities to fall down that teach us how to get up and back on track. If we were perfect, we wouldn't really be humans now would we? Unless you're David Archuleta, in which case you shouldn't even be reading about imperfections. Oh and David, the arch-angels still haven't left you know. Just saying.
     Anyway, so back to expectations, which we shouldn't really have. Being a Muslim, it should be Allah we ultimately trust really and well I won't really preach my beliefs but it is the month of Ramadan so might as well just write about my true beliefs. From what I've read, if a prayer doesn't get answered, it's either because you'll get something better in exchange, or you'll get rewarded for it in the hereafter. But it is so incredibly hard to just wait around patiently when you're praying so persistently. I think the disappointment on our behalf when that happens is because we have such deeply ingrained expectations from everyone that we cannot accept that things might not always work the way we want to. Trying to accept that things work out for the best can be a difficult concept to grasp, especially if you're intent on trying to make things work out your way. But, give it a rest; Allah has a better plan for you, far better than what you, me, or anyone else could plan and it's a plan that includes everything that's for your own good. Not just your own good, more of what's best for you really; and, although it can be a trying measure of our wills, it is nevertheless true.
    So back to happiness. A person who goes through ugly emotions often appreciates good emotions the most because that person knows the true value of being able to just be happy regardless of what anyone says or does. Some people don't appreciate the value of their happiness, but that's okay really. Everyone learns to sooner or later, and hey, whatever floats your boat, who am I judge.
    I try not to make my writing revolve around the same message but every time I write, I feel like a different person; every piece of my writing has a different aspect of my personality so once I get started, even I don't know which part of personality my entry will end in. The thing is, life's too short for regrets. By that I don't mean go all YOLO SWAGGIE LET'S DO DRUGS CAUSE WE ONLY LIVE ONCE sort of thing, I mean, that there are a few times where we have to make decisions that shape our lives; we should be the ones to make those decisions* because having to look back at a former crucial point in your life only to regret your action would be pretty disappointing. It's okay to let others influence you and it's okay to want to know what others think, and but at the end, it should really be yourself who you listen to; you shouldn't blame your decisions on someone else and harnessing bitter feelings over time sure isn't a nice way to go because bitterness only grows over time and eventually it completely takes over a person. I've seen so many people completely change because of the ugly emotions they harbored; they were never bad people to start with, but it was the bitterness and resentment they had towards other people that led to all the positive aspects in them being completely overshadowed by the bitterness they felt. That is why I've been stressing on emotions so much, because when you let go of ugly emotions, it's really yourself you're doing a favor for. Not me, not anyone else, not that friend-who-isn't-a-friend-anymore, and certainly not that guy/girl-I-hate-because-I-JUST-DO. When you're at peace with yourself, you'll start to enjoy the little things in life, and you'll begin to appreciate the blessings God has gifted you with. You'll begin to see the beauty in things you never did before and you might just surprise yourself and how happy you'll feel. A particular blissful feeling will be feeling happy for others and sincerely being a part of their happiness, instead of sulking at others' succeeding in the rat race, you'll actually feel happy for the hurdles they've crossed; and, when you realize how everything seems to be working out for the better, that's when you realize, God's plan unraveling slowly, bit by bit, not quite the way you planned but certainly to the destination you were always destined for.

*Credits to SPN for the indirect quote by Sam's teacher.


Sunday, May 26, 2013

Rants about Young Adult fiction writers

      Encountering intelligent personalities has become so rare that it is now a profound experience for me when I meet someone whose level of intellect matches mine. Now I'm not saying that I'm some long-lost descendent of Einstein; I just mean that I've become unusually accustomed to conversing about topics whose matter will in no way increase my intellectual knowledge. You see I don't really understand how talking about the most recent celebrity breakups or their twitter updates is going to benefit me. Nor do I understand how talking about pointless mundane tasks or other people is going to change my point of view of the world; besides questioning the mere single digit I.Q. levels of certain people, that is. This is why I tend to feel incredibly happy if I meet a person who will not only fangirl with me on Moffat's genius but will also discuss topics that genuinely matter.
      An example of this is discussing books; being an aspiring writer myself, I indulge in reading when I cannot write and after reading quite a number of literary titles, I believe I can distinguish between good books and bad books. I'm a harsh critic but to elaborate on what I just said, I mean that after reading a lot it is easy to critique different authors and books. A writer does not necessarily have to be a great writer to write a brilliant book, he or she just needs to have the skill to creatively form a plot and make all the puzzles fit by the end. Or not if you're one of the writers of "LOST", in which case any confusion is thereby forgiven automatically because come on, it's "LOST" after all. Anyway, aside from the pointless babbling, I mean to say that I thoroughly enjoy discussing books because it's fascinating to look at different aspects of a book from different POVs. A recurring theme in Young Adult novels is the presence of paranormal races and most of the cheesy love triangles which turn into squares and even love hexagons if you've read "House of the Night" series. I don't know if it's just me but it seems like most of today's writers seem to exploiting age old paranormal ideas. Whatever happened to creativity and originality? Or maybe researching a bit and using up creatures other than werewolves, vampires or fallen angels.
        Another thing I've noticed in most Young Adult novels is that if it's the paranormal romance genre, a female character will the choice for a protagonist for a majority of writers while if it's fantasy-fiction, a male protagonist is the popular choice. Not to be cliche, but I would like to see a book where the girl does not have low self-esteem and where a guy is not the only hero in a war. I'm not saying I haven't read any such books but judging from the majorities, my opinion is that writers need to, crudely speaking, get out of their safe haven and explore new writing horizons and territories. For once. I'd like to read a book and say now THAT is a writer who could match the likes of George R.R. Martin. Although this wasn't meant to be a rant about writers and Young-adult genre writers, it has unconsciously become the dominant theme of this blog entry. Oh and that reminds me if you ever see Shiver  by Maggie Stiefvater then stay AWAY from that book because the only thing good is the cover and unless all the books on Earth were destroyed and it was the only book left, I would NOT suggest reading it. Although in that case, you could probably rewrite Harry Potter (if you're a Potterhead who has memorized every line) and take the credit for saving Sirius Black, Lupin,  Moody, Tonks, Fred and Dobby.

Until then,
Happy reading and may your swords stay ever sharp.

Note: if you're a Sherlock fan and are still suffering  then I would suggest you read Sir, Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock series because there is still some time till series 3 and there's only so many times we can watch it. Or is there?

*Ordinary minds, hmph.*

Friday, April 12, 2013

You gradually realize that everyone leaves and you soon realize no one will stay forever. And when they leave, you will realize that you don't need them anymore. And what's more you won't need to need them either. You will feel the tears in your eyes and you will feel the cuts on your hands but you know you won't go back to them because that's how it always is and that's how life goes on. They won't need you and maybe they never did. Everyone says time heals you but that's not true. It doesn't get easier; you just get better at dealing with what hurts you. That's how you become immune to pain. It's not easy, growing up and you make mistakes, oh  so many that you even lose count. But every mistake costs you, it's very few ones that don't. They take away a piece of your personality that you will never get back. It's very few ones that don't. They say perfection is when there's nothing left to take away so I guess they call an empty soul perfection, a dead face beautiful and a fightless spirit willful. Happiness never stays and they say what stays becomes stagnant. Maybe that's why all these ugly emotions pile up and become sadness; because they're stagnant and spoil over time. Words change and promises break and all that was said is forgotten. Love fades away, and when it doesn't it stays to tear you down to your most vulnerable state. It changes you from being blissful to broken and as the ashes turn to dust, you just stare into nothingness wondering if this is what life is really about.

So I vented this out on my phone one day and I was going through my stuff today and thought why not post it. Happy Reading! 

Saturday, February 23, 2013

               Some people cross the vicinity of evilness. They portray themselves as good but their reality is more distorted than shattered mirrors which would glisten red upon the morrow if someone would but touch them. They have idle minds that now encompass nothing but devilish thoughts and eyes. They think evil and they talk evil so the whole world just seems like a cascade of wrongdoers and faults and whatnot in their eyes. Such people have no sympathy in my heart, or mind. They should be punished for the crimes they've done and the heartaches they've caused. It is not their God-given right  to be viciously judgemental about every speck of dust. Then, why do they?
           And you know what the worst part is?
           That no one is there to stop them.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Embl3med all the way

The last time I heard them, they sang Hey Jude. But that wasn't why I fell in love with them; it was that first audition with Sunset Boulevard that did the magic. Emblem 3.
You know how you feel the music when you connect with the lyrics well its a moment like that. So I'd write on but then I'd rather just listen to them creating this musical dream-like haven.

True friends are few and far between
Hold on to them and don't let go
And they will make you shine when all else
Fades away... when it rains

Such a sight to see
Shining light for me
So I might believe there's a spark of light shining vibrantly inside of me
You're the one that puts the life in me so bright in the end
Said I want to believe
I gotta stay true and hold on to the ones I call my

With style, with spunk, with class
When your spirits like a lake shimmering like glass
And my reflection in the water is pertinently attached
I printed it in like a tattoo
Lets capture this moment or hold it like you want it all
Fold it like a load of clothes to your soul hold it all
We share a poem in this moment that you wrote it you know
I'll be there I want to believe
That I gotta stay true and hold on to the ones I call my

True friends are few and far between
Hold on to them and don't let go
And they will make you shine when all else
Fades away... when it rains
When it rains,rains
Rains, rains, rains

Everyone talks about dreams coming true and working hard to make those dreams reality, but why doesn't anyone talk about what happens after those dreams come true? We all know how we just have to keep trying until its a do or die situation but what happens when we do succeed, what after that? The dreams I have almost certainly become reality so what now? Do I wake out of the trance that has blurred my vision? Dream again, more so then before I do know now that dreams do come true; its not just an absurdity that people use to motivate others. But because my dreams came true, I also know what it cost me. I now know that nothing is ever gained without a sacrifice of some sort. So the question now remains, are you willing to give up what you have to in order to get what you want?

I say, bless me with a heart of gold
A positivity and a story to be told
I tripped, fell down through the sky,
It's what it took for me to learn how to fly like,
Oh yeaaah
Let me spirit fly,
My intentions are not to intoxicate but purify.
Give me truth, or everytime I hear a lie
Joy be the only reason I get teary eyed.

I look in the mirror to figure out who I am,
I thought I was a boy but I guess I am a man.
I burnt a bridge, but that's what it took for me to build a dam
I hang my head, I don't want to be that kind of man.
No no
That's not how my daddy raised me
Work your ass off boy
Don't ever be lazy.

I owned it on the ball field, so my pop praised me
You could never beat me down or you could never phase me.
A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do
Even in the rough yeah you gotta see it through
Have a nice trip though, I'll see you next fall
The only thing I know is that I know nothing at all

I said sometimes feelings can be hard to understand,
But if we understood them there'd be no point to the plan
I reach out with my hand
And too all of my fans,
To let you know that if you fall,
I will help you stand
To let you know that everyday I feel similar pain
The purpose of my music is to take it all away
So I say, salute you freedom fighters
Wave your flags high for,
Liberty we will die for.
Driftin' in the pursuit of happiness that we drive towards
A better future my people and me will strive towards.

I'm lost, I find myself while I search
Now I use music to pray with no words.
When you lose what you love, remember to stay strong.
Look out the window and remember life goes on.

Sometimes, we get so caught up in our struggles that we fail to realize we lost ourselves on the way. And that, my friends, is one of the worst things that could happen to a person. Because its our individuality in those little things, little habits that sometimes come off as annoying but hey whatever happened to freedom of expression. We may share common interests here and there but its truely rare to find a carbon copy of the person that you are. And even then, our individuality remains as unique to us as our thumbprints.

I sailed across the earth in search of a humble head
Bermuda was a gamble
So I played my cards and I won the bet
I never underestimate what ancient stories teach you

Got so much to say but my apetite's really getting the best of me and its with this very line that my Emblem 3 playlist is almost at its end. I know this was probably a very ridiculous blog entry but anyhow here's how its gonna go, sometimes when people need to write something, anything really then they start off with incredibly weird things that don't even relate but eventually the writing flow gets better and after a few crude pieces, the better more refined pieces start rolling of the rack with more finesse than the Alchemist. Okay I really need to stop criticising books I don't like which just gave me the best idea ever. A BOOK REVIEW. That's what I should do!

Well isn't that a lovely way to end things on a happy note now. ^_^

Adios amigos*

*This time genuinely learning espanol.


Thursday, January 3, 2013

Life's hard
when you've lost your heart,
to a traveller gone,
beyond the sea.

Life's hard,
when the waves rock forth,
the ship from bay to an end,
that's gone away.

Life's hard,
when the anchor is lost,
and so are the sails and mast,

and as your traveller,
drowns to death,
your heart sinks in
the Trench*.

*Mariana's Trench.