Disclaimer Notice: you been warned

Disclaimer Notice
If you're here looking for some good writing, close the tab right now. This is a blog that started off as a writing solace and instead turned into a place to rant off about anything and everything. So, this is going to be an awful lot of just penning down my thoughts, and then deciphering the confusion in emotions, with a not-so-gloomy outlook, or an ambivalent ending, if not a total-downer one.
Peace out. You've been warned.

Monday, October 6, 2014


I'm not a rejected piece;
I'm a writer's hope.

I'm not a forgotten rhyme,
I'm a writer's soul.

I'm not a sorrowful anthem,
I'm a writer's heart.

I'm not just words you read,
I'm a writer's vulnerable imagination.

Give me some credit,
because I can move people,
I can awaken their souls.
I can do what actions alone cannot,
and I can make nations,
and destroy a few;
I can make leaders
just as fast as I can destroy them.
I am the bare soul,
raw in feeling,
pure in possession
you will know
how ever-lasting my legacy is
once I come into existence,
if you but lay eyes on me.

        Every year you're supposed to become smarter than before and I guess that's when you realize how stupid or obliviously silly you were the year before. I suppose that's also the time where you shake your head in disapproval over the bad decisions you took that led to greater mistakes and just plain regret. You would regret such a decision either because it hurt you or because it stirred up trouble or maybe even both. Hurt doesn't necessarily mean your own feelings, they could be someone else's feelings that you hurt over time or your own that got hurt in the process. But sometimes, while regretting the long list of bad decisions and actions we were responsible for, we forget that it's the bad experiences that truly teach us and make us realize where our faults really lie and it is these very bad experiences that become the gradual steps to caution thereafter.
      In the course of my teenage years, I've been hurt many times and I've probably hurt a number of people too. But now that I look back and reminiscence memories, I'm actually surprised as to how I could have done the mistakes I did; it annoys me to the point where I literally want to shake myself and shake some sense into "younger-me". Yet, on the other hand, without the consequences, I probably wouldn't have realized the impact of those actions either.
      I guess 'pain just demands to be felt'. I don't find quoting TFIOS cheesy because it's one of my favorite books and it has been on the top of my list since the time when I first read it a couple of years back. You need to experience the fall first hand to actually understand the impact of the ground and no matter how well the other person explains the feeling, you won't really get it until you experience it too. Which is why it's easier to write about something you've already gone through as opposed to trying to imagine what going through that same thing would feel like. Also, everyone's take on things is different. What may be a very difficult decision for someone else to make may not quite be as tough for me. Similarly, an incident that might take a life time for me to get over might actually take a few months for another person to get over. It all falls down to personalities and how people deal with different matters for the most part. Not to forget, it also depends on the sensitivity and attachment of the matter. Some people are just more sentimental than other people about some things. And, some unlike myself, just find it easier to become emotionally detached and take everything lightly.
      I'm not going to lie, I've envied people who can shut off feelings and still be normal, and those who can deal easily with turmoil and loss. I'm ambivalent in this matter though, because, although I envy such people, I also feel a sense of pride at being able to feel so strongly, and to be able to express that through words. Our ability to feel, at the end of the day, is what ultimately makes us human. It then is not a weakness to be ashamed of, but a strength to take pride in, and that can be molded into helping overcome the different hurdles one will encounter later in life.

Saturday, July 19, 2014

           The problem with being 19 years old is that you're nearing the end of your teenage years and you'll soon have entered the world of young adults. Any mistakes you make will no longer be let go of because you will no longer be passed off as a child or a young teen. You will be held accountable for every action you take, and that, believe me, is one of the toughest hurdles you will experience as you transition into an age-old world full of misery and reality.
          I don't quite know how to portray this correctly, but it's not always dark and gloomy yet at the same time it's not always bright and cheerful either. I have started to take every day as it comes, because every day will bring its own taste of turmoil and legacy and the funny thing is, you won't know until years later as to which day will be recounted with sadness and which will be recounted with joy. Sometimes, I wonder though, would a monotonously content life be a reason for bliss or would it be a reason for dissatisfaction because there's nothing exciting or new to look forward to? I suppose like most other questions that often arise in my mind, only time will unravel the answers to the mysteries that we so abruptly create in our minds.

Friday, March 14, 2014

I have no idea what title will fit here.

Life is not supposed to make sense. There is a reason you meet everyone in your life. The reason might just be the most insignificant reason in the world, but it still is at the end of the day, a reason. And that is what makes it all the more special, because, you don't always know the reason and sometimes it is not until years and years later that you can recognize and distinguish between being the reason for something and being the factor leading to the reason. I'm probably doing a bad job at explaining this right now, but let's make it simple:

C = the reason

A ---> C

You could be the A or C in someone's life and likewise, they could be the A or C in your life too.
Okay I attempted to make it easier, I can't do better than that now and I don't even want to because I'm too busy crying over One Day. How can Emma just die? HOW CAN SHE JUST FREAKING DIE LIKE THAT? And how can he even deal with the pain? Doesn't he wish he had never met her because then he wouldn't have to face the pain of her loss? All throughout, she was in love with him and he just wasted that time, and then she had moved on and he finally figured out his own feelings, and then when they finally FINALLY both got that they were meant to be with each other, they had so little time together? It's unfair. Life is unfair. But whatever, it's just a movie isn't it? I don't know how Anne Hathaway dealt with the emotional trauma after bringing the character to life. If it was me, I would still be bawling my eyes out, with failed attempts at pretending nothing ever happened. I think I've written enough now so I should probably start Sabriel or Druids of Shannara or something to keep my mind off whatever I just saw.

Word of advice, watch One Day, it's a beautiful, if not a hauntingly beautiful piece of work.