Journal entry II

     Yeah I know I've been quite inactive for a while; to the point where it feels like the words are just bursting to come out. There's so much I WANT to say but never got around to. There's so much I need to write. Wow, at 1: 36 a.m., it seems ironic that I just opened my blog to write this entry down. I've been on a mind journey all this while, but what I realized on the way is that it won't ever end; this journey to find myself. Indeed, it would take an eternity to list every emotion or experience that I've learnt from. Moving on, pondering over the past seems like an unexplained blessing; tears for the harsh memories and smiles from the blissful memories. I should probably get down to writing something eventful, an incident perhaps? But no, right now, I'm just going to write down any thought that comes to my mind. Ah, how I've missed writing! This joy, it can not be compared to any other joy in the world. This feeling of ecstasy when the sentences are completed and the blanks are filled up. I don't think this joy has ever made me feel more alive.
       'Cogito Ergo Sum' in case you don't know what it means, I believe its time to do some googling in the next tab. Anyway, moving on, here's a plan I've come up with. I'm going to stop doing whatever I'm doing and start writing whenever a writing flair hits me. The instant I get that inspiration, I'll get down to work immediately. Long have I craved for the path of becoming a writer, too long have I stayed away from it. Now, I'm going to take up this passion seriously and actually mean business when I say I'm ardent about writing; I live to write. I think, therefore I am and it is that I am that I can actually sum up my thoughts and beliefs into words for the world to read.
      Writing means everything to me; it defines me as a person. It makes me who I am and who I want to be. It is the one activity I have indulged in whenever I felt low and the consequences of neglecting it at a time of need has indeed cost me dearly. Though this is nowhere like my usual posting, I still think I had to get it all out, here, on my blog and now that I have done that, I guess its time for a bit of serious writing. Here's something I wrote back in April last year but never got around to posting: [I know the language's a bit crude and its a bit unpolished but I wanted to post it without editing anything out. Yes, I also know it seems incomplete but hey writer's block isn't a choice now is it?]

 You realize you are gifted,

You realize you are blessed,

But only at a time when you’re estranged from a cozy bed,

At the dead of the night,

When the entire world snores,

You wake up and realize how lucky you are

To even have made it so far.

When people all over the world are dying,

When orphaned babies are seamlessly crying,

When kids from around have to beg for food,

And here you were sulking because someone was rude,

When wars are spreading,

and the horizons have enclosed,

The fields of peace,

Into tiny monarchies disposed,

To liars and thieves,

Who will rest not till they gain

All there is, in their depraved domains.

When floods are destroying homes,

and earthquakes shatter grounds,

When global warming’s a threat,

To all that it surrounds,

When living is a burden, to those estranged of joy

When death is just a word that will sooner or later destroy,

The ones who breathe,

the lowest point of desperation,

The fragments of an unconscious mind,

The realization of annihilation.

When trying times lead to increasing suicides,

and the strength to muster courage fails,

When life seems to have lost every purpose,

And no door seems to let light pass through,

There will be appointed a way out,

specifically for you.

Journal entry I

"Take pride in your pain. You are stronger than those who have none."

-Louis Lowry

 

  Stop letting people affect and change you. They are people; they will talk.

They will never be content, never, and they will always somehow find problems and reasons against you.

Rise over them. Rise ABOVE them. Rise so high that their mundane tricks no longer affect you. 

Rise above hate.

Rise above them all.

You are the pilot of your own life and you're the only one who can safely land it to a destination.

Don't hover in mid-air for no reason.

Prove your worth; but more importantly, realize the fact that people say or think about you does not define you. What does define you is how you act and react to them.

Laugh off the rumors, ignore the glares,

Hold your head high, and control their stares.

You are the winner; you were born for greatness.

So achieve it!

Your dream is not just a coincidence; make it your reality.

Turn the key and unlock the pathway.

Pursue your journey and walk on.

Walk onto the road ahead.

Walk on to the surprises,

                the mysteries,

                the fantasy,

                the dream,

Walk on to your reality.

Walk on to prove them wrong.

Walk on just for the sake of it.

Walk on for your pride and arrogance.

Walk on to your word. 

Walk on, never looking back,

for the ghosts of yesterday will haunt you to the grave,

if you but look back and turn,

and sit not to recollect the memories of your past,

for they will dawn upon you like apocalypse;

and shatter you? Nay! I think not.

For you are stronger.

 YOU WILL SURVIVE IT as surely as this time will pass.

V

       I got all my hiking gear ready. It didn't take me much time, and by the time I was done, Lexie was already there. I quickly told her about my plans, and she agreed to join me, just as I hoped she would.
"I cannot believe you had such a brain wave," she exclaimed.
"Oh, shut up, we both know I'm a genius," I replied, laughing.
"This is going to be so exciting," she said, not taking notice of what I just said.
"I know right. I always wanted to go on a road trip," I replied back. 
       I was cosily propped on my favorite armchair, while Lexie was on the other armchair. I had bought a pair of  brown leather home-theater recliner armchairs when I shifted into this apartment. I've always had a thing for cosy armchairs; I instantly fell in love when I saw them in a thrift store last summer.
"So are you done with packing and stuff?," Lexie asked.
"Yeah I'm all set to go. You should start packing too, we won't really have much time tomorrow."
"Yeah, you're right, I will as soon as I go home. What time will the bus leave anyway?"
"It leaves at six, so we should be ready by five fifteen."
"Mm, alright, don't worry I won't be late. Besides, I'm not the one who delays every task to the last minute and ends up in a mess she herself creates," she said cockily grinning.
I just gave her a dry look, which made her grin even wider. She loved annoying me because, apparently, I was pretty 'amusing' when I was in a bad mood.
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing," I quoted smugly.
"Oh not with the quotes again, you know they're just words said by people that became famous because the people who said them became famous."
I just gave her another dry look. I wasn't really in the mood of an argument right now, so instead of arguing, I changed the subject.
“You sure you in Lex?,” I asked again It would not do to have her cancelling up on the last minute, not that she would, but she most certainly was a very double minded person.

“Obviously! do you honestly think I’m going to miss a trip like that, a trip that could potentially change my life?” said Lexie, her tone instantly serious.
“Did you read The alchemist again?” I asked her, already knowing he answer.
“Yeah, but that's not the point, the point is...”
But I cut her off again, “The point is that till last week you were all about pale emo guys and twilight, and the week before that it was more about tanned Asians when you read the kite runner and before that weren't you all about elves?” I said laughing.
She gave me an annoyed look.
“Stop being so wise.”
“I'm not being wise, you just need better vocabulary,” I replied smugly, knowing that I was right. She shook her head slightly, giving me a very dry look
“So have you decided what clothes you're going to bring?” I asked, casually changing the topic.
“Hmm? not really, I guess I'll decide when I go home…” she replied glancing at the wall clock above the sofa, “…which reminds me, I should be going by now. It’s getting late, and I need to get loads done if I’m to get ready on time,” she continued as she got up.
“Don’t forget to set your alarm clock to..” but she interrupted me saying “to four thirty, I know. It won’t take me long to get ready Alex” she replied grinning, as I opened the door for her. We hugged each other, and she left the house, walking confidently to her car,  waving at me as she drove off; her car's exhilarating speed, making sure she left in a blur.


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End of chapter 1


Yeah I know, took me long enough. But I finally did it! I finally got a brainwave and I completed the chapter.
I'd love to read your comments on how its going so far or rather, how it is.


Thank you! and happy reading. :)

All that glitters is not gold

All that glitters is not gold,
some words have yet to unfold,
when silver turns,
heads, and copper churns,
beds, then know that will be end, of naught.

All that glitters is not gold,
all that shines will not be sold,
when betrayals become lies,
and yet no one tries,
to, behold, the conqueror,
of the triumphant deceit unmasked.

All that glitters is not gold,
one day strength will perish to hold,
the cup of grace,
when the stars of fate,
will then unravel the mysteries of time,
to show what was lost,
but meant to be found,
yet lo! for the race was extinct.

Food for thought

This one's for Hera Naushahi; thank you for inspiring me.

     Everyday I look into the mirror and ask myself, what is so about today? What is so special about this person? What is it about her that distinguished her as an individual? Everyday these questions bombard my mind and it is tonight, at his very moment, that I actually found the answer.

     Yes. Everyday, I look at the same person in the mirror, but every new day is a new adventure. Everyday is a new page in this book we call life; My life is a book and I'm the ink to it. Everyday, I can either choose to be happy about what I'm going to do or be miserable about it. Everyday, I can smile and light up the world with just my attitude. I can say to myself, 'today is a new day, a new beginning and I have a chance at life again'. I am lucky to have survived another day when countless people die and slowly depart this world, leaving nothing but dust behind.

     Life's too short to live with regrets. So why can't I live it to the fullest? Why can't I say 'why not change my destiny today'? I'm going to work hard and set things right for myself. No matter how hard it gets, I won't stop trying. "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going." I read this somewhere, a long time ago and now that I think of it, why not actually implement what I've thought or planned? No matter how hard the challenges gets, I know I'm stronger, which is why I'm still here today and I'm adamant of the fact that I will yet again win. Not because I haven't lost but because I'm going to revive the will in to me to try again if I fail.

     So now, when I look at myself in the mirror, I don't want to be distinguished, different or set apart- I just want to be me, because I am my own person and I am the only person who can change my life. I am unique, just as everyone, in my own way and I don't need to prove that to anyone. This time, when I smile, I'm going to smile wide because I'm on my way to change the course of my destiny...

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I know this was more of a blog entry, but anyhow I just had to write it down.