You've got to let go the past to live in the present and make it to the future. Holding on to it won't get you anywhere except maybe drag you back muddled up in what was and what might never be. Little things inspire you, each day; you've got to learn the beauty of appreciating these little things with every hint of sparkle the morning light brings to your room. Learn the beauty of admiring art, defining it. Life's real purpose has never been to drag you down only so you can keep falling. Instead, maybe a pin drop of silence while you observe the ghastly spasms you encounter so you can appreciate the calmness of peace when you get it. Isn't that what life is all about? Hitting the lows so you can bounce back with the highs? Enduring the worst in silence and accepting the best as it is, no questions asked, no questions left unanswered.
   When you hit what you may think is the Marianas trench, think again. This isn't the pacific, and you are not drowning. In sorrows and gloom, perhaps, but definitely not in water and that is always a blessing to be thankful for if you are aqua phobic like me. In case you actually are drowning..well let's not consider that possibility right now alright?
    My humor seems to have run a bit dry right now, a fact I apologize to my readers for, but my point is, realization can hit you any time; while washing the dishes, taking a walk alongside the beach, while reading a book, listening to a song, or even just watching a movie. Mine seems to have hit me while watching Easy A while I was crying on the scene where Olive [a.k.a. Emma Stone] is in Todd's car having just reached home and while she was crying explaining her feelings for him. The part where Todd says his business is his own and 'Notoriety for whatever reason, never seems to benefit the noted, only the 'notees'.' Add that to a spectacular ending of '..But the really amazing this is, it is nobody's goddamn business.' That, for me, was the apex. You know the point where your life starts to make sense to you and you expect epic background music to play as you reach the summit of the ever long mountain you've been trying to climb; yeah, that moment.
    I've realized, it doesn't matter what anybody thinks, it honestly doesn't. My grades, my writing, everything I've ever worked for; its all been for myself. No matter how much I credit anyone, but at the end, it really has been for me. Yes, the lows do hit me, yes I've dragged into the pits of depression for quite an unreasonably long time. But you know what, not anymore. Its time to stop.
   Its time for a new chapter, a new beginning. This isn't the ending of everything I'd let go of; no! In fact, its the applause whose harmony echoes in my mind, at this very moment. A crowning moment is what it really is. A few months ago, I undertook the task of going on a mind journey; a journey to find myself. I believe that has now, in the truest sense, come to an end. I know finding the inner core is not the easiest task to pursue and one eventually disheartens, sometimes, even forgets the true purpose of what he left for. But there does come a point where it does end as you come to terms with the answer. I have now found, that I will always learn news things about myself, for that is how my mind works, always pondering, always so curious, but in this process I have to learn to enjoy every moment of it.
   A life lived with regrets is a life unlived. If you can not even accept your own mistakes and move on, then who will? Who wants to go to bed, with the misery of yet another addition of sorrow to their book of deeds? No one. So why not sleep with a blank slate instead of an overturned bucket? Why not make up for all that you've done and go to rest peacefully, each night? Every time I start typing a block entry, I spend quite a good amount of time pondering on matters of little importance such as the font text and font size, but this time, I just opened the page and started writing what ever was in my mind. It has been quite a while since I wrote something worthwhile and though it took time, I must say, it has been worth it because at the end, every experience, every mistake I've learnt from has only made me a stronger person.

'What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.'

Enough with the whats ifs and wherebys of each situation. If God brings you to it, he'll bring you through it too and I for one, do not regret the outcome of this piece of writing to be a somewhat ambiguous type of monologue and before I conclude, I'll say one last thing. No one's life is perfect, what we, as outsiders see, is not a perfect world but a perfect illusion of it; never make the mistake of believing your sorrows are the worst life could test you with, never forget there is always, ALWAYS someone who is in a worse condition than you are and because you are still breathing, you are stronger than you think. Because you've held on and still are holding on. Never lose hope, and never stop smiling.

Till then,
Adios amigos!
<3

A few verses here and there

The tears have flown,

as the truth has shown,

and now, alone, I mourn.

For my heart is now torn;

shattered to pieces, broken at last,

of your dying love, one last token,

amass.

My kingdom, my soil

The silence haunts, but I listen,

the cruelty feathered; I observe in silence,

for my oath was sworn, fealty to the king,

yet my heart belongs not;

it is its own master, and it yearns for but home.

My heart perceives, yet my mind deceives,

I hold true to my word, yet 

I sing the song of battles,

as I dance to the smell of blood,

and the rhythm of swords.

For honor, for valor,

for victory, for pride,

for salvation, for bravery

I fought; for my kingdom, I still fight.

A free man, I may be,

but in this soil's debt, I am,

till I breathe.

[Something I wrote while watching Game of thrones]

Journal entry II

     Yeah I know I've been quite inactive for a while; to the point where it feels like the words are just bursting to come out. There's so much I WANT to say but never got around to. There's so much I need to write. Wow, at 1: 36 a.m., it seems ironic that I just opened my blog to write this entry down. I've been on a mind journey all this while, but what I realized on the way is that it won't ever end; this journey to find myself. Indeed, it would take an eternity to list every emotion or experience that I've learnt from. Moving on, pondering over the past seems like an unexplained blessing; tears for the harsh memories and smiles from the blissful memories. I should probably get down to writing something eventful, an incident perhaps? But no, right now, I'm just going to write down any thought that comes to my mind. Ah, how I've missed writing! This joy, it can not be compared to any other joy in the world. This feeling of ecstasy when the sentences are completed and the blanks are filled up. I don't think this joy has ever made me feel more alive.
       'Cogito Ergo Sum' in case you don't know what it means, I believe its time to do some googling in the next tab. Anyway, moving on, here's a plan I've come up with. I'm going to stop doing whatever I'm doing and start writing whenever a writing flair hits me. The instant I get that inspiration, I'll get down to work immediately. Long have I craved for the path of becoming a writer, too long have I stayed away from it. Now, I'm going to take up this passion seriously and actually mean business when I say I'm ardent about writing; I live to write. I think, therefore I am and it is that I am that I can actually sum up my thoughts and beliefs into words for the world to read.
      Writing means everything to me; it defines me as a person. It makes me who I am and who I want to be. It is the one activity I have indulged in whenever I felt low and the consequences of neglecting it at a time of need has indeed cost me dearly. Though this is nowhere like my usual posting, I still think I had to get it all out, here, on my blog and now that I have done that, I guess its time for a bit of serious writing. Here's something I wrote back in April last year but never got around to posting: [I know the language's a bit crude and its a bit unpolished but I wanted to post it without editing anything out. Yes, I also know it seems incomplete but hey writer's block isn't a choice now is it?]

 You realize you are gifted,

You realize you are blessed,

But only at a time when you’re estranged from a cozy bed,

At the dead of the night,

When the entire world snores,

You wake up and realize how lucky you are

To even have made it so far.

When people all over the world are dying,

When orphaned babies are seamlessly crying,

When kids from around have to beg for food,

And here you were sulking because someone was rude,

When wars are spreading,

and the horizons have enclosed,

The fields of peace,

Into tiny monarchies disposed,

To liars and thieves,

Who will rest not till they gain

All there is, in their depraved domains.

When floods are destroying homes,

and earthquakes shatter grounds,

When global warming’s a threat,

To all that it surrounds,

When living is a burden, to those estranged of joy

When death is just a word that will sooner or later destroy,

The ones who breathe,

the lowest point of desperation,

The fragments of an unconscious mind,

The realization of annihilation.

When trying times lead to increasing suicides,

and the strength to muster courage fails,

When life seems to have lost every purpose,

And no door seems to let light pass through,

There will be appointed a way out,

specifically for you.