Every year you're supposed to become smarter than before and I guess that's when you realize how stupid or obliviously silly you were the year before. I suppose that's also the time where you shake your head in disapproval over the bad decisions you took that led to greater mistakes and just plain regret. You would regret such a decision either because it hurt you or because it stirred up trouble or maybe even both. Hurt doesn't necessarily mean your own feelings, they could be someone else's feelings that you hurt over time or your own that got hurt in the process. But sometimes, while regretting the long list of bad decisions and actions we were responsible for, we forget that it's the bad experiences that truly teach us and make us realize where our faults really lie and it is these very bad experiences that become the gradual steps to caution thereafter.
In the course of my teenage years, I've been hurt many times and I've probably hurt a number of people too. But now that I look back and reminiscence memories, I'm actually surprised as to how I could have done the mistakes I did; it annoys me to the point where I literally want to shake myself and shake some sense into "younger-me". Yet, on the other hand, without the consequences, I probably wouldn't have realized the impact of those actions either.
I guess 'pain just demands to be felt'. I don't find quoting TFIOS cheesy because it's one of my favorite books and it has been on the top of my list since the time when I first read it a couple of years back. You need to experience the fall first hand to actually understand the impact of the ground and no matter how well the other person explains the feeling, you won't really get it until you experience it too. Which is why it's easier to write about something you've already gone through as opposed to trying to imagine what going through that same thing would feel like. Also, everyone's take on things is different. What may be a very difficult decision for someone else to make may not quite be as tough for me. Similarly, an incident that might take a life time for me to get over might actually take a few months for another person to get over. It all falls down to personalities and how people deal with different matters for the most part. Not to forget, it also depends on the sensitivity and attachment of the matter. Some people are just more sentimental than other people about some things. And, some unlike myself, just find it easier to become emotionally detached and take everything lightly.
I'm not going to lie, I've envied people who can shut off feelings and still be normal, and those who can deal easily with turmoil and loss. I'm ambivalent in this matter though, because, although I envy such people, I also feel a sense of pride at being able to feel so strongly, and to be able to express that through words. Our ability to feel, at the end of the day, is what ultimately makes us human. It then is not a weakness to be ashamed of, but a strength to take pride in, and that can be molded into helping overcome the different hurdles one will encounter later in life.
